Tips for Starting Over and Finding a New Home After a Breakup
Few people move in with the person they love with the intention of ever moving out, but it happens. Sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes they get hurt and find the pain is just too unbearable to keep going. Whatever the reason for your split, you’ve made the decision that it’s time to move on. The only problem is your lives are so intertwined the whole thing looks impossible. Well, it’s not. You just need to take a deep breath and read on.
Your Next Move
If you owned your home together, one of you needs to get out. Check with your bank to find out what current mortgage refinance rates look like. Refinancing with a cash-out option will give one of you the funds you need to leave and find a new place of your own.
If you were renting it becomes a little easier. Someone simply moves out and lets the other finish the lease. But, if you’re the one who has to move out, where will you go?
Your next big move could be to buy a place that is your own. The number one reason to do this is so your monthly payments aren’t just lining someone else’s pockets when they could be lining your own. Mortgage payments build equity, and equity can be life-changing the next time you run into a situation that seems big and life-altering.
The second big reason to do this is if you’re ever in a relationship again, the ground is yours.
Funding a New Home
If you think you need a large down payment for your next home then perhaps you haven’t heard you have options. With an FHA-backed mortgage, the lender can reduce your required down payment. There are even loans guaranteed by the federal government that require no down payment.
Discuss your options with your lender. Many people think they need to save over a period of time to get into the house of their dreams, but often, that’s not actually the case. What you will need are funds for moving expenses so be sure you’re saving back a bit extra for these associated costs during the house-hunting phase.
Separating Belongings
Right after a breakup, everything is still fresh and it still hurts. This is understandable. If you find there is too much tension when you meet with your ex to separate your things, ask someone to mediate.
You don’t have to hire a professional mediator. That can get expensive. Ask a mutual friend or neutral family member to be at the home when one of you needs to pack and move things.
Moving On
When you experience a breakup you have experienced trauma, though you may not realize it. A lot is happening and it’s happening at a sudden pace. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If you’re feeling numb or confused and are struggling to understand it, a counselor can help.
Many workplaces have complementary services for your well-being as incentives and supplements to your insurance plan. Check your employee handbook or talk with a human resources representative. It can oftentimes be faster and easier to be seen or heard through these support services.
Take Time
The whole process can be frustrating and you may feel the pain isn’t ending soon enough. Just remember, it all takes time. Moving on takes time. Healing takes time. Finding your regular balance again takes time.
It’s important during this time to resist the urge of crutches. A crutch can be another relationship started too quickly to replace the person you lost. It can also be in the form of unhealthy habits such as alcohol and drugs. Remember, the breakup wasn’t about destroying yourself. It was about making yourself better.
Loving is hard, especially when you discover you’ve been loving the wrong person. Chances are once you have the new home you’ll find you have so much going for you that the healing just comes naturally.
